Grateful

            I had an obsession of going abroad, yet it is still on. The crazy thing about all of this is I'm more into jumping from one to another airline official website to check the fares, even, I never forget every time I check my mail box to see whether a certain airline send newsletter about promos. Even I managed to buy some know-how to speak casual conversation of certain country (for non English-speaking one) or I followed some experienced-backpacker that nicely loved to share some of their trip stories. I'm always questioning why I had this obsession, the problem is this pleasuring hobby  isn't cheap one. I managed to make it by all of my money but in the end my parents had to give me some kind of gift-merchandise-money.
         Then I got to a day when I talk to mom I want to go for another round and she said "Just stop it please" without bad intention. I was like "Okay" but I came out with million of ideas to hide it from her that I WILL STILL GO. But then after holiday ended, then be back here, I was like "I should listen her". I was so so surprised with what going on my self that I'm not so that daring again, like I was. I was like managed to plan and booked everything then tell my parents afterwards, so they're forcefully have to let me go. The things that going on me is I have to obey everything they told me because as I grew up older, everything they said was right and mine is just so short-minded. Living separately with them, slowly, made me grow up. How can I say, I am twice-thinker now than before, anything happen I am like "If God let me, there will be a way" or "If it happens for my good-sake, I can make it true". I didn't say that I'm making this too much without effort, just let it happens, no. It's only for few things that I'm not sure whether it's good or not, the grey one. If it's ABSOLUTELY bad one, and I'm deadly want it, of course I should let it go no matter what.
            I'm not that so drooling when I look on to holiday's albums or instagram's timeline of going abroad, no again. I always think about how I manage to pray and to eat in specific country. I was going to countries that have some reached-mosque country that I'm glad I can come to there, that I have no problem of praying. I can tell that I'm to strict about foods. I only eat foods with halal tag, end. You can tell that seafood is always be halal but for me not for certain country that had pork-oil. Even in Indonesia, I rarely eat sushi because I never had one with halal tag, then it pops out from my google tools that some sushi had mirin on it. It's clearly not halal. So when people said that I can eat freely in country like South Korea, to eat chicken or seafood, no I cant. They cant guaranty with another ingredients on it.

            I'm sorry if this one is very non sense but I really need to put it all, when I can finally 'heal' from this syndrome. It's like when you really really want or like something you will search everything related with that matter, so that I was. Then now slowly, even it's not 100%, I'm not drooling (yuks) when looking into people's holiday albums. I'm happy for them. I do dream about studying abroad but I don't really think about it now, the thing that I am bolding now is how I'm study now and make sure that all of thing I get can help others. I want adjust another quality of life when they sentenced to death, so they can make happy moments with people that they're will be leaving or maybe make a long life, who knows? As I said, every good deeds absolutely, God will making a way for it. Have a nice day!