After attending so much wedding in the last two years, I keep questioning my self why someone should be getting married in this age. When you don't have anyone to married with yet. I enjoyed being bridesmaid, meeting old friends in someone's wedding, taking congratulation pictures, and discussing about who's wedding to go next. Sure I was getting envy, seeing all my close friends were getting married. But after attending one wedding to another, I don't think I should. Everyone would get married in the end, it was just about the time.
Being solo in the past 25 years made me comfortable with my self. I enjoyed travelling alone most of the time. It was a good time to sit in the corner of library only to finish my favorite books. Driving alone into rainy days and tuning my favorite songs was nothing miserable for me. It was indeed quality time for me. So as time went by, It didn't bother me for not looking a chance for getting married soon. Recently, I was enjoying my new internship life, engaging with the life being a doctor in the middle of society, and coping with emergency units life.
My plan was: I didn't want to marry that fast, I was planning for getting married later in 2018 when I got bored for being alone and I need to organize my life with someone, and I need to re arrange my life goal and reach it out together with someone else, both in dunya and akhirat. I was so sure if I still could do good deed, being helpful to other; it doesn't related with being married or not. I could do many good deeds for filling my single life and still getting Allah's blessing and getting the same chance to be in Jannah like any other married couple.
To be honest, the thing that made me afraid about getting married was I felt insecure about how our other half should stay with all of our imperfection. Thinking about how he would live with our true self, it stressed me out while our other half deserves to get someone better. Accepting a whole new person was hard, to take further, I also should learn about accepting his personality and past.
So I was assuring my self this year if I would get married, it must be because Allah, nothing else. I told me self if I get married it should be because of Allah, not because of my colleague were getting married one by one or being envy with others for getting in marriage life. So in the end, if I was about to give up, I would remind my self that it's all because of Allah that I should hold the commitment up forever.
|Akad: Dec 17th|
So it was such a huge turn off for me, as he came to our family one day, to propose me. And all he did was enough to convince me for accepting his proposal less than a month.
To share everything with someone else was hard enough, I still should.
To accept and to give.
To grow old and to grow up.
Because now I just feel safe, being with you that will make sure everything alright.
Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.