DECEMBER

Assalamualaikum wr wb

Been a long time can't log in into blogspot just because I'm so bad about technology and internet stuff, forgive me :( Finally, december :)

December (dɨˈsɛmbər/ di-sem-bər) or I can say, decent-ber.

Decent /di:snt/ adj acceptable to people in particular situation. 

I used to love december, call me subjective, since it's my month (meteorically) and usually comes up with the new semester holiday's idea but also month of exam. This december, gave another lesson for me, this december is decent, hardly (sorry for confusing grammar). I should accept (decent) all the things happened on me this month. Simply, a month to finish what I started.

1. To finish what I did this past semester means doing examination. 

2. To report all things I've handled up this period of time

3. To back on track, see the progress, how's far I've been growing in a year.

To sum up, I also prepare all the things to go for next january's conference. 

Off the record, I've been so up and down, esp last friday. Been misheard about the announcement, I've thought I got it but sadly, no. I always talk to myself to be positive one, even I did wrote in my past entries, I should be positive one, being grateful even in the lowest condition. I should be grateful for the thing Allah didn't give to me, the responsibility that I don't need to handle because there will be something better coming up. There will time to do more beneficial things (I cant think another proper word for 'benefit'). Maybe I will have more time to meet my family, do social act or praying even more? I just need to dig up many things to do to balance this college life. Even I can't handle my mood that directly went to all of part of body, I got sick.

Then I realize that even I should through this hard part, there will be many people who have least thing to have, they are even grateful for having it. So why? Why when I still have family (biologically and those people who I called family here) to cheer me on, to pray for me, to love me, why I need to sob for the thing that actually I dont really fight for? I did not giving my 100% last time and I've learned from it. So I don't need to be sad, to cry on it. Because we don't live to always get what we want. We also live to be grateful with what we have when we can't have what we want.

Alhamdulillah been praying so proper this past two days and I got my self back, psychically and mentally. Have heard about mental disorder? I think I've almost trap on it but I did still have the resistance, not even getting exhausted (I was learning this last month lol). So actually I wrote this non sense part because I am bored this afternoon :( But actually It is a kind of self reflection stuff :)

So back to the topic, december. I've been visited my old blogs (the embarrassing one and there was another!) and I found out that I actually been growing up well (self sarcasm). When I was so labil (Indonesia's slang for teenager mental term), a attention seeker, thinking to be a cool one when I'm not mainstream one, not being a girlish one but being a cool one. I've growing up to behave better (since I wrote nonsense post on my old one), I did finally headscarf-ed and actually it didn't change me at all but all problem that occurred on me, all misbehave that I did, all words that I can't control to be said, it made me growing up. Even it's not as perfect as I imagine. Let's pass this december blissfully. Aaamiiin.

Wassalamu'alaikum wr wb